Last Tuesday we talked about dialectic therapy—acceptance and change, working together. Today, something that sits beneath it—the skill that makes it possible.
Distress tolerance. Another phrase that sounds clinical—it isn’t.
Simply put, the impulse to do something and the act of doing it are not the same thing. There’s a gap between them. Sometimes barely visible, but always there.
We’ve been taught—by habit, instinct, and years of repetition—to close that gap as quickly as possible. Feel the urge, follow it. The discomfort arrives, and we run for the nearest exit.
But the gap is where everything happens.
In the gap, you can ask: is this what I actually want, or just what I want right now? Is this the right response, or simply the fastest one?
I’ve closed the gap too quickly more times than I can count. The drink that wasn’t necessary. The word that didn’t need saying. The decisions made in the moment, rather than after the feeling had passed.
The practice—and it is a practice—is learning to sit in the gap a little longer each time. Not forever. Just long enough.
Patience is an essential component in the make-up of successful batters. It’s integral in managing distress tolerance.
Nick
